Obstacles that Keep Empaths and Sensitive People from Resting
In another post, I shared about how my feelings about my birthday changed over time.
In a similar way, so have my sentiments towards all things related to REST - relaxation, stillness, vacation, play.
One of the reasons was because I grew up with an allergic reaction to JOY. When good, fun things come up, I would feel FEAR instead, accompanied by lotsa anxious thoughts:
"What if something bad happens while I'm having a good time?"
"What if I have such a great time and then it ends? Will I be okay?"
"What if it'll turn out disappointing?"
...or SHAME:
"I haven't done enough to deserve a vacation."
"There's so much to do, and not enough time or money."
"I feel bad for leaving the people I'm taking care of."
As such, rest (and even play!) are LEARNED SKILLS, not something that comes readily to me.
So how did I go from RARELY RESTING to now having REGULAR VACAYS multiple times a year?
Nowadays, there are 6 weeks off that are just built into my calendar:
my birthday week
my anniversary week
holidays
a buncha mini vacays sprinkled in between ...just because.
The less often you take time off, the more you're FORCED to take time off because you get sick, burned out, can't focus, etc. It also takes longer time for you to decompress and get into rest mode - some might even spend half their vacation time just catching up on sleep.
The more often you take a break, the more readily you can drop into rejuvenation mode. Taking many shorter breaks throughout the year is better than taking a single extended time off!
(From my time in Taiwan! So rejuvenating being in luscious nature...🌿)
Here are some things that helped me practice regular rest & play on purpose:
(1) Realizing that I have Ruinous Empathy
When I overextend myself in caring for others out of guilt or shame but to the point of burnout or resentment.
(2) Inverted Golden Rule
I ought to do unto myself as I would do unto others (if I encourage others to take breaks, so should I).
(3) Practicing childlikeness to counter shame
If a helpless baby - who's super unproductive and contributes nothing to the world but literal poop - is deserving of goodness, fun, and joy, why wouldn't I?
(4) Following nature's footsteps
If seasons of inactivity and seasons of activity go hand-in-hand (one not lesser or greater than the other), what would it look like in my life to integrate both?
It took me quite some time to get to where I am now, so if this seems out of reach for you because of responsibilities or resources - no problem.
The important thing is that you begin moving more in that direction little by little STARTING TODAY.
Some questions for you:
What are some feelings you have towards rest?
What might these emotions be telling you about yourself? About what you need?
How can you take one small step towards building in more rejuvenation time into your calendar?
Save this post!
The BIG Feelings First Aid Kid
Messy feelings spilling out at the WRONG TIME, WRONG PLACE, WRONG WAY?
Grab this free PDF guide that shows you how to handle feelings like a pro so that you can keep moving forward in life!