Emodiversity: Expanding the Full Range of Feelings
Ever heard of emodiversity? Let’s talk about what it is and why it might be essential for your emotional well-being.
Here's a question that got asked a while back:
Is there something wrong with me if I'm always upset? I don't know why I can't just be happy.
The short answer? No, there's nothing wrong with you. Actually, perhaps there are some important messages your feelings are trying to tell you!
One source of your struggle might be a deep belief, a value that's baked into American tradition and even codified into law - the idea of the "Pursuit of Happiness".
It's as if the goal to life is to be HAPPY all the time.
Now, I'm no naysayer of what's cozy, comfy, shiny, or bright. The world is hard enough as it is, so OF COURSE people would pursue pleasure and avoid pain.
If only what we did WERE indeed fulfilling...
What if this setup of chasing happiness is actually making us miserable?
“If you believe that happiness is the goal of life, the implication is that sadness is failure.
When a low or difficult emotional state gets framed as a “problem” to be solved, rather than as a natural and healthy part of the life experience - part of an inescapable ebb-and-flow rhythm to which we all belong - we’ve rejected a whole half of what life is.
And then we wonder why we find ourselves stuck and in such trouble. ”
More than half of the people I work with in 1:1 sessions struggle partially because of their circumstances, but more deeply because they're taking their emotional struggles as a reflection of themselves, as if
Suffering =
"I'm BAD," "I'm not enough," or "I fucked up"
Success =
"I'm GOOD", "I'm enough," or "I did well"
Btw, there are plenty of examples of implicit judgments against those who are struggling and praises for those who are having an easy time in life:
"Those who are poor must be LAZY."
"Those who are rich must be amazing/flawless."
"Couples who never fight must just be better."
"If my kid is failing in school, that means I'm a terrible parent"
"If I don't get promoted, that must mean there's something wrong with me."
(This framework spotlights our individual experiences and ignores the wider collective, systemic issues that might actually be the source of a lot of suffering. These social setups ultimately fuck EVERYONE over, but some people more acutely or immediately than others.
So no, it's not your fault for experiencing emotional ups and downs or having a hard time.)
The Marker of Well-Being
So if setting HAPPY as the goal itself is actually what's screwing us over, what's a better North Star to pursue?
EMODIVERSITY
...the variety and richness of emotions, the BREADTH & DEPTH of feelings, that individuals experience.
This range of feelings is what helps us truly flourish as human beings. Even our physical bodies and nervous systems reflect this: those who are able and willing to work with a wide range of emotions experience less inflammation that would otherwise lead to early morbidity and mortality and a drastically reduced quality of life.
Playing favorites with feelings (thinking that positive emotions are GOOD and negative emotions are BAD) is what sets us up for what I call The Emotional Vortex, when we work AGAINST our feelings so they PUSH BACK and make hard things HARDER.
Making room for ALL (yes, all!) of our emotions and letting them do their job is how we get into life-giving Emotional Flow.
Emotional Flow does NOT mean your life is pain-free (in the same way that joy can still exist IN or even be DEEPENED by suffering).
Emotional Flow is when you're working WITH your emotions to tell you what your wants & needs are SO THAT you can take steps to get them met effectively.
The fuller your Wants & Needs Tanks, the freer and more empowered you'd be to shape your life to be in alignment with your deepest values and the more you can help OTHERS fill their tanks, too.
Muchhhh more about these in The BIG Feelings Masterclass or Foundations, but the single takeaway from this blog is EMODIVERSITY becoming a guiding principle in your life.
Some questions for you this week:
How much emodiversity do I currently have in my life?
What feelings do I think are GOOD and play favorites with?
What feelings do I think are BAD and ignore/reject?
How can I expand my emodiversity, ie., breadth & depth of feelings?
A 1-hour mini-course about how to turn your soul-sucking emotional rollercoaster into your life-giving power source!
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© Copyright 2024 Joanne Kim. All rights reserved.
Joanne Kim, Feelings Translator
Hi! I’m a therapist-turned feelings coach who helps Highly Sensitive Persons, Empaths, Enneagram 2s & 4s, etc. turn their BIGGEST feelings into their GREATEST superpower!
They are often the first (or only) person in their family to intuitively process and express feelings; consequently, they are often judged or criticized so that they learn to people please, placate, or perform until they hit a wall.
They’re super familiar with anxiety, guilt, and shame, partly because of an allergic reaction to anger (theirs and others').
Often the super responsible, empathic, and ethical person in their environments, they reach out to me after they're already burned out, resentful in their relationships, or sucked into their shame spiral.
The most common feedback I get from people when I share about how feelings work is,
"Why didn't anyone teach me this in school??"
Hence, I am building a school helping people work WITH their feelings so their feelings work FOR them.
Perhaps there’s a better North Star to follow than The Pursuit of Happiness! Learn more about Emodiversity, the top indicator of wellness that speaks to the breadth & depth of emotions that you experience!